I don't really know
by Crazy Psychotice Weitdo girl
Summary: Maureen discusses her relationship, MaureenJoanne, mainly, one shot, postrent, please read and review. PLEASE!


Title: I don't really know

Rating: K-T

Comment: One shot; Post-rent. Maureen discusses her relationship with someone unlikely. It was really a kind of RENT challenge. Read & Review. Kinda Mark/Maureen but mainly Maureen/Joanne. It's not that good; I was tired but review anyway.

Disclaimer: I don't own RENT or any of the RENTcharacters mentioned.

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"I've always known I was bi, even before Joanne, even before Mark. I think I first knew when I was 13, maybe 14. But, I was confused back then, hell, I'm confused now! But I definitely knew by the time I reached high school. The cute quarterback wasn't the only reason I went to the football games because the captain cheerleader could have definitely given him a run for his money." Maureen reclines in her comfortable chair, her back turned to who she was talking to.

"What about your parents, did they know?"

She gives a short chuckle but it sounded bitterer than her usual playful, fun chuckle. "They didn't have to know and if I tried to tell them, they probably wouldn't have stuck around long enough to hear me tell them and even if they did know, they would condemn it just like they did to every other thing I said or done. They made me feel worthless and all I ever wanted to was someone to make me feel good about myself.

"So, what was it like when you met Mark?

Maureen sighs almost contently. "Mark was a sweetheart" she chuckles at her little rhyme but continues. "When I first met him, I had just moved into the loft. He was the guy I could talk to no matter what. He always listened, he didn't give the best advice, but he listened and that's all I really wanted was to be listened to and not criticized. I thought I loved him. And then…." She sighs again, less content this time.

"And then what?"

"And then he changed, it was never talk to Mark anymore, it was talk to the camera, maybe Mark will listen later when he goes over this footage. And all I ever wanted was for someone to listen, it made me feel special, like no one else had ever made me feel before but he no longer had any will to listen to me, so I looked for refuge in somebody else and that's how I met…" She cuts off, rubbing her temple slowly.

"Joanne?"

"Yeah, Joanne" She releases another content, almost nostalgic sigh. "I met Joanne at a coffee house on Avenue A. She looked busy, she had not one but two cell phones on her hip and a briefcase that I later found out was filled with paperwork but ultimately, she looked unhappy, almost as unhappy as I was feeling. But I talked to her and like Mark, she listened but not only did she listen, but she heard and she gave her opinion and her advice and that was refreshing. And we eventually moved in together as more than just 'friends' and despite our frequent arguments, we were happy and again, I thought I was in love. But….." She trails off again, rubbing her temple even harder

"But what?"

"Maureen shakes her head, more to herself because she knew the other person could not see her. "But I was scared." She closes her eyes, she had never really admitted that to herself before, let alone admitted it to another person.

"Of what?"

"Of myself; of settling down; of commitment; of what others would think; of everything, so I did everything I could to make Joanne hate me and even though I didn't show it, I even hated me." She says, now nervously playing with her fingernails. "And I couldn't help but think 'what have I dragged myself into?', 'what have I dragged Joanne into?' and then Angel died and everything went haywire.

"Who was Angel?"

"He" Maureen chuckles. "She" she corrects herself "was exactly what her names says... an angel. She made the world turn, the voice of reason, she was what made everything make sense. And when he..." Maureen blinks a few times but continues. "She died, it just made no sense anymore, if Collins couldn't have love anymore then why would I deserve it? I was worthless, I didn't deserve Mark, I didn't deserve Joanne. I just deserved to be alone forever. But at Angel's funeral, me and Joanne were separated again and yet we were still kinda arguing, and so were Roger and Mimi, it was like the world was upside down and I haven't told anybody this because I know it's impossible but, it's like Angel talked to me that day and she told me that we would all be happy eventually, even without her, but there was something I had to do to be happy, she wouldn't tell me what it was but I knew." Maureen smiles at the memory.

"What did you do?"

"I walked up to Joanne and I told her that I loved her. And since then, everything has been great, Mark has a girlfriend, actually a fiancée, Jessica, whom you can tell he really loves, he has three award winning movies and he is working on another. Roger and Mimi are married and thanks to the pills and new technology they have a five months old, HIV negative daughter whom they have named Angel. Collins is loving his teaching job at NYU and hasn't been kicked out yet! Benny, is even happy, he has given up on his 'virtual state-of-the-art studio' but him and Muffy….. Alison are actually much happier without their Akita, Evita which Angle...killed. And Joanne is….. Joanne and I are amazing, couldn't be happier but ultimately, what I am trying to say is…" Maureen turns her chair around, so she is face-to-face with her converser. "Mr. Jefferson, I want to marry your daughter."

THE END!


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